I really enjoy getting spam. There, I said it, I love spam mail a lot. Most people see it as a nightmare, a nuisance― something to be ignored with as much passive aggressiveness as possible. I on the other hand see it as a golden opportunity for laughter. Someone has gone to the great lengths of writing a badly written email to scam me, why shouldn’t I read it and laugh at their hopeless wretched life’s work. The Nigerian Prince scam has been going on for a long time now and I rarely see this kind of scam being emailed to me. These scammers aren’t idiot though― they send out an obvious scam to find someone vulnerable and gullible enough to believe it. If you are stupid enough to fall for the scam, you are dumb enough to wire a substantial amount of funds.
As such, I have decided to post my favourite, or rather a critique of my spam. It is my hope that we in the world can enjoy spam as a comedic element in our everyday lives and make a small annoyance a small joy.
Sent to me from firstname.lastname@example.org
Greetings to you!
(My name is on my email, Jesus man put some effort into it)
I fully understand that you may have received emails like these daily,but
note that mine is exceptional and a true reflection of the genuine fact.
(He’s wrong about that, I get them on an hourly basis)
Am Hon Steven Azulu, I work with a bank here in Togo as a branch manager
in-charge of operation,in 2007 the late Kaddafi visited Togo with his aids
for the African Union(AU) meeting then, two of his security men came to
open a secret dollars account in our branch, and I was the person who
attended to both of them.
(Good for you Steven)
Four million US Dollars($4 million dollars) was deposited in each
account,when the account was opened I took all the account opening forms
to meet them at their hotel lodge because they do not want to use their
real names and pictures to open the bank account, all arrangements were
done properly very secretive for them because I was the branch manager.
(Yes Steven, I can read ‘Four Million US Dollar’)
Why am writing these proposal to you is because I want to leave the bank
work and do something else on my own very soon, and i have done some
investigations about the two aids of the late Kaddafi which his two
security men came to open as secret dollars account in our branch and
found out that both of them died during the war in Libya.
(Why didn’t he open with this statement? Also, Gaddafi is spelled wrong, know your dictators)
However,because nobody can come for the claim of the funds if I resign,
and i am the only person to testify and present the real owners so i
decided to contact you knowing that i can trust you with all this.
(No need to write the ‘However’ cluttering up the message now *tsk tsk)
Therefore I need to act fast and change both accounts details with your
real name since the owners of the bank account are both dead.
(Jesus that’s terribly illegal, not the Celtic Tiger like)
The account ATM card will be sent to you so that you can withdraw from any
ATM machine in anywhere you are as soon as the funds is successfully
transferred to you,you will also have full access of the account and make
transfer from our bank branch to your own account.
(Run-on sentence bandit right here)
For me to present you as the real owner of the account,the condition is
that you and i will have to share the funds on a 50/50 basis after we must
have moved out all the funds in both accounts to a private account chosen
by you.You do not need to be afraid of the arrangement,every thing is under
control because am the branch manager in-charge of operations therefore I
will do anything in my power to make all this a success besides am the
only person the bank can confirm from as the branch manager in-charge of
operations so if they ask to find out anything about the account,I shall
boldly stand to confirm you as the real owner of the dollar account.
(My God this is illegal)
I will do all the paper work in your name and change the signatory as
contained in the documents to be the same with yours.
I will want to receive a reply from you showing your interest and a
promise that you will not fail or disappoint me when all is set. I don’t
need to explain to you that these matter should be kept as a top secret
only between you and I, You must not relate these information as contained
in this Email with anybody .
(Probably going to end up being shot now for me posting this online)
Please reply to my private box at (email@example.com) for security
reasons and your direct numbers will be needed as that will enable me to
tell you the next action we should take.
(He is so lazy he cannot even write his name after the regards)